Just a cool breeze
with an artificial coconut scent.
Body Glitter.
Shitty apartment,
Next to a corn field.
Hawiaan-themed bedroom,
Darkened.
Caved in eyes and
Crooked Teeth.
I can tell you are unsafe, so
How’d I end up here?

Body Glitter.
Lip Gloss.
Jean MF Watkins and
All that Bacardi.
Car crash.
Glass sparkling.
Crying,
Glitter tears.
Screaming at the sky.
Glitter stars.
Looking for God
No one answers.


Staring at the ceiling.
I mean nothing.
Grandpa’s house.
Ice Cream, silent ‘r’
Strawberries from the garden.
The hot sun,
Whiskey and ice cubes rattle.
The dead snakes,
The ones still alive, slithering in blood.
That hot rotten death smell.
His watch,
Ticking with his heartbeat.
His funeral.
That light you saw,
It was real.
You’ve seen it once before
And one time after.

Only once you saw it before,
At that open casket
He didn’t look like himself
That can’t be him.
His dad held his body and cried.
Screamed with a reddened face.
“My boy. Not my boy.”

What is this? Who are we?
I thought we all went to heaven once, but that wasn’t true,
I thought nothing happened then, but that ‘s not true either.
If the truth is only what we make it, how do I know it’s true?
That doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it?
I don’t know who I am.

One gramma fat and a
Tweety bird balloon.
How long can skeletons survive?
That gross look of sympathy.
Humiliation.
Self deprecating jokes, body shame and
Cancer eating monsters.
I really thought I could save you.
I wanted so bad to save her.
I prayed more than anyone had ever prayed.
I begged.
Pleaded.
That smiling little girl.

“There is no God,” she said.
But we already knew.

The process I used here was to first get into a meditative state.

Once I felt grounded, I took note of my surroundings.

Then moved on to how I felt in my body. How it felt to be in my body.

Once I finally reach a state of, well, I’m not sure what its official name is, but I describe it as a place where it is absolutely silent. My inner stillness, if you will.

Here I sit. and once I pick up on something, like a word, or phrase, I allow my mind to take off without limitation. Whatever comes up, goes down on paper.