artwork

Meatballs

| cclelandnissen

I’ve always wanted to have a dog named Meatballs, but I fear it will never happen for me, so here is a poem called Meatballs instead 🙂

Gary

| cclelandnissen

I see a lot of calls for help in the dog rescue world, and I wish I could save them all. But it’s not possible, and you know, I’m learnin’ on taking care of myself now.
So, I have to pass and hold onto the hope they make it into a loving home. It’s never easy.

Anyway, this is Gary.
I hope he gets the love he deserves ❤️

All the Black

| cclelandnissen

Cat Clyde

”All the Black”

Found you in the trash
Huddled in a corner 
Across from me 
You held out your hand
Told me not to be frightened 

You explained how we’d been thrown away
So I let you take me home

This may be killing us
But at least it kills the pain
If i could soak up all the black
I would soak up all the black 

Stayed the night
Told the moonlight I was scared
And that I loved you
And i know you know this life is shit
But maybe I could keep you company 

This may killing us
But at least it kills the pain
If I could soak up all the black
I would soak up all the black
This may be killing us
But at least it kills the pain
If I could soak up all the black
I would soak up all the black 

Lets roll a joint and walk outside
I miss the sunshine
I miss the sunshine 
I miss the sunshine 
I miss the sunshine 

This may killing us
But at least it kills the pain 
If I could soak up all the black
I would soak up all the black
This may be killing us
But at least it kills the pain 
If I could soak up all the black
I would soak up all the black

MidJune

| cclelandnissen

Our foster pup, Rain, was adopted by a nice little family this weekend. I’m so grateful for good people.
Otherwise… the back deck has been seeing a lot of us lately. I’ve been working on making Millie’s fort perfect to her liking ❤️ and hippopotamus!

recents

| cclelandnissen

still going strong(-ish?)

I spent the entire hour of my last therapy session trying not to cry while crying my face off. You know, when you’re trying so hard not to, that it makes it so much worse?
I forget that I’m still recovering. I forget that these things take time. And that some days will be really, really hard.

But you just keep going. Always.

Word Association

| cclelandnissen

Just a cool breeze
with an artificial coconut scent.
Body Glitter.
Shitty apartment,
Next to a corn field.
Hawiaan-themed bedroom,
Darkened.
Caved in eyes and
Crooked Teeth.
I can tell you are unsafe, so
How’d I end up here?

Body Glitter.
Lip Gloss.
Jean MF Watkins and
All that Bacardi.
Car crash.
Glass sparkling.
Crying,
Glitter tears.
Screaming at the sky.
Glitter stars.
Looking for God
No one answers.


Staring at the ceiling.
I mean nothing.
Grandpa’s house.
Ice Cream, silent ‘r’
Strawberries from the garden.
The hot sun,
Whiskey and ice cubes rattle.
The dead snakes,
The ones still alive, slithering in blood.
That hot rotten death smell.
His watch,
Ticking with his heartbeat.
His funeral.
That light you saw,
It was real.
You’ve seen it once before
And one time after.

Only once you saw it before,
At that open casket
He didn’t look like himself
That can’t be him.
His dad held his body and cried.
Screamed with a reddened face.
“My boy. Not my boy.”

What is this? Who are we?
I thought we all went to heaven once, but that wasn’t true,
I thought nothing happened then, but that ‘s not true either.
If the truth is only what we make it, how do I know it’s true?
That doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it?
I don’t know who I am.

One gramma fat and a
Tweety bird balloon.
How long can skeletons survive?
That gross look of sympathy.
Humiliation.
Self deprecating jokes, body shame and
Cancer eating monsters.
I really thought I could save you.
I wanted so bad to save her.
I prayed more than anyone had ever prayed.
I begged.
Pleaded.
That smiling little girl.

“There is no God,” she said.
But we already knew.

The process I used here was to first get into a meditative state.

Once I felt grounded, I took note of my surroundings.

Then moved on to how I felt in my body. How it felt to be in my body.

Once I finally reach a state of, well, I’m not sure what its official name is, but I describe it as a place where it is absolutely silent. My inner stillness, if you will.

Here I sit. and once I pick up on something, like a word, or phrase, I allow my mind to take off without limitation. Whatever comes up, goes down on paper.